Astounding Tales​!​!​!

by Unidentified Funk Object

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released June 9, 2013

Produced by Ed Renzi and Greg Melchin
Recorded and engineered by Ed Renzi

Greg Melchin: vocals, bass, theremin, Suzuki Omnichord, keyboards, percussion
Brendan Melchin: drums, percussion, backing vocals
Jenny MacDonald: lead vocals on Close Encounters and backing vocals
Ross Avey: guitar, backing vocals
James Spray: keyboards, percussion, backing vocals
Christian Dufault: percussion
Martin Davidson: tenor sax
Jordan Tunney: trumpet
Eszter Horvath: backing vocals
Kerry MacSwain: backing vocals
Ed Renzi: Backing vocals, percussion, producing wizardry

All music and lyrics by Greg Melchin

Cover art by Jay Rawding



all rights reserved


Unidentified Funk Object Halifax, Nova Scotia

Unidentified Funk Object brings interplanetary grooves beamed from the funkiest depths of space to Ur dancefloor. Dr. G's far-out theremin and the band's stone-cold funk take Ur body and soul 2 another plane of existence. Ahh yeah.

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Track Name: Extraterrestrial
I was walking through a cornfield in the middle of the night
When I looked up into the sky and saw a blinding light
It was a UFO and it was coming in to land
The door slid open and I saw a Mysterious Man
He danced down the ramp and stood before me
Took off his shades and looked me in the eye
He said "Ur people got 2 come 2gether
U got 2 groove or else U're gonna die"

Extraterrestrial, show us how U move
Come down 2 our world so we can emulate Ur groove
Extraterrestrial, give us 1 more chance
Funkify this broken world, I know we can remember how 2 dance

His band beamed in and started laying down some funky thing
On laser powered bass guitar and quantum theremin
He started talking to me and I heard it in my head
I didn't know his language but I knew just what he said
"Ur species is heading 4 destruction
Cuz Ur out of tune with the Cosmic Sound
So call all Ur friends and boogie with me
A funky revolution will go down"
Track Name: Zero Gravity
Late night shift sweeping floors at the observatory
She was in the laboratory working late
She was a woman of science mapping the position of the stars in the sky
But tonight they were all in their right place
She said "This world is weighing on me, but pretty soon I'll be flying free
Gonna work on an orbital telescope satellite"
And it's up outside the atmosphere but on a clear night you can see
And she led me outside and took me by the hand as the stars were shining bright

In zero gravity, we could live in a fantasy
And when you're holding me, I could plot a trajectory
In zero gravity, we'd be a singularity
And when we're floating free, you could give all your love to me

Well I ain't no mathematician babe and I don't know much of nuclear physics
But I know when the chemistry feels right
I said "I heard there was a force that can make two bodies be attracted to each other
And I think I can feel that force tonight"
I said "Take me with you when you go, I want to fly off into the sky
We can leave behind all our worries and our blues
Cuz there ain't no time to take it slow and we don't need to justify
Because I know all about the science of the heart and I know that mine is in free fall over you"
Track Name: Science of Love
A spark of light ignites the dark, a creature moves across the land
Energy crackles between synapses, we want to understand
Bodies moving, bodies grooving
Their lonely orbits in the dark
Impulse arising, you're magnetizing my heart

This is the science of love
Gotta get my formula right
This is the science of love
Prove my hypothesis tonight
This is the science of love
Gotta verify that it's true
This is the science of love
Cuz we got some chemistry to do

Well I think and therefore I am, and therefore I've got to find
The underlying principle for why you're always on my mind
Because I got a theory, you could be near me
I want to put it to the test
Cause a reaction, our interaction is best

Well if E+MC^2, you will be my guiding light
And I will work in the laboratory late into the night
Righting equations and calculations
Experimenting, taking notes
Till I discover you are my lover, I'll know
Track Name: Close Encounters
S/he: Wake up little man, look around if U can
U're about 2 go on an adventure
He: What's happened to me? Is this some kind of dream?
Or an alternate dimension?
S/he: U're aboard my ship, going to go on a trip
Of discovery and pleasure
He: This is going too far, I don't know what you are
An alien or whatever
S/he: U know I'm liking U,
I like the things U do
He: Well that is very nice for sure,
But I'm afraid of you
S/he: And if U take a chance today
I think U'll be amazed
He: I feel like I should run away
They: But at the same time, fascinated
These close encounters of the 3rd kind
R gonna blow my mind

S/he: So step in my groove cuz I like how U move
And I know that U wanna party
He: Well ma'am, I mean sir, I'm flattered for sure
But I really should be departing
S/he: Have a drink on me. Do U like what U see?
Do U want 2 hold my raygun?
He: You know I'm afraid of the things that you say
But I can't look away
S/he: I know what U're curious about
I'll show U what I got
He: You know I'd really rather not,
But thank you for the thought
S/he: Sit back and smell my pheromones
Cuz I got time U know
He: Don't know if I'm prepared to go
S/he: Yes U can go
They: Where no man has gone before
These close encounters of the 3rd kind
R gonna blow my mind

S/he: Hang on 2 Ur heart cuz I'm skilled in the art
Of cross-species seduction
He: Let's take it slow, take our time you know
It's my first alien abduction
S/he: We can take our time, just open Ur mind
And tell me which way U want it
He: Let's get it on then, one small step for man
It's time to make first contact

They: These close encounters of the 3rd kind
R gonna blow my mind
These close encounters, these close encounters
Thought we were alone but some1 found us
These close encounters, these close encounters
Alien love is all around us